The Haunting

It was a dark and stormy night. Ok, technically it wasn't storming any more but it was definitely dark and it had stormed fairly recently.  There were still lots of tree branches laying around and stuff.  Whatever.  Darkness was happening.  The young couple filled their black, spooky bowl with lots of spooky candy.  Tonight was the night they had been preparing for. Tonight the trick-or-treaters were coming!

Their approach is swift and merciless. And sugar fueled.

With the candy piled high, the pumpkin carved, and the hastily drawn ghost picture taped to the door the couple was sure the trick-or-treaters would come in droves.  As darkness fell, they waited.

6:00- Nothing... but the night had only just begun.  The spirits take time to materialize.  Everyone knows that.  It's your basic Haunting 101 kinda stuff...

6:15- "Was that a knock? That might have been a knock..." The girl eagerly checked the door through the peep hole but there was nothing there. Oooooo.... Spooooooookyyyyy... Where are the chiiiiiilllllldren?!

"Maybe they're all just really authentic ghosts this year..."

6:42- A rap at the door. The couple lept from their seats, hearts pounding in terror (or surprise...or from the sugar rush from candy consumption.) They threw open the door and saw... A GROUP OF KIDS THAT MISTOOK HOODIES FOR COSTUMES!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! THE HORROR!!! They quickly thrust fistfuls of candy in to their various containers (or just their hands as some had Not. Even. Bothered. To. Bring. A. BAAAAAAGGGGG!!!!)

7:00- The fear mounts as the couple begins to worry that there will be no more trick-or-treaters. Not a single adorable costume. Not one sweet little princess or miniature Batman. Could it be that they had bought too. much. candy?!

7:30- The darkness grows and he couple hears voices.  Voices just outside their door. Approaching.  Spookily.  The sudden knock at the door causes the couple to rush, bowl in hand, to unhook the lock.  Two little zombies. They receive tremendous amounts of candy.  Horrifying amounts of candy.

This seems like a reasonable portion.

8:04- The silence surrounded the young couple.  Where were the trick-or-treaters? What had kept them from coming?  Perhaps a dark and malevolent spirit? A vicious, tentacled monster?

Or maybe there was something really good on TV that night...

About my Absence

I would apologize for my very, very long absence from the blogosphere but I've been working or visiting every day since then so I won't. I was busily getting stuff to write about. Working for you. You are so welcome.  Please, no gifts. It's my duty to you to try to have a reasonably interesting life.

So here are the highlights for those of you far too busy to read an entire blog post:

1.) My grandmother came to visit. We learned we are too tall to be pirates.
2.) Grandmother, fiancé, and I went to see the Dalai Lama speak. He laughs like Yoda.
3.) My parents came to visit. We went on the greatest house tour ever. Seriously.

4.) I've become useful at work.
5.) I had a birthday. Got a Crockpot. Awesome.
6.) Fiancé and I spent a small fortune on candy and carved pumpkins in order to entice the childrens to come to my place to trick or treat.



You can go back to looking at pictures of cats now.



1.) My grandmother came down to visit me (and to see the Dalai Lama, but mostly it was about me. I'm sure.) Gram is quite the world traveler and it has long been on her life list to see the Dalai Lama speak. Of course, she was miffed that she couldn't go see him in Tibet but, to be fair, he's not allowed to go to Tibet either so her climb to the top of the mountain would have been greeted with a, "You're here to see who, now?"  It was a great visit and besides seeing my man the Dalai we went to visit Jamestown because I refuse to let any one just have fun when there's history to be learned!
I have to talk about this. I'm so sorry but my inner exhibit designer has developed the most serious of crushes on the Jamestown Historic Site Museum.  My reaction upon entering:

  



My God, they've used their funding for awesome!

Go to this museum and witness how it's done.  They incorporated all five senses, video, artifacts, interactive displays, and just a darn impressive amount of fancy reproductions of Native homes into one cohesive narrative that was just wonderful to experience.  They even had full reproductions of the ships that the settlers sailed on over to Jamestown.  These were very beautiful but, as Gram and I discovered, a bit tiny.  I knew that people had drastically increased in height in the last 400 years but apparently I operated under the assumption that they still built things for future size people and simply used step ladders or something.  Obviously all of history is built for my convenience.  After crouching through all the rooms of the ship I emerged on deck and informed Gram of the sad fact that we are simply too tall to be pirates.  It was a crushing blow but I think she'll recover.  

2.) More importantly, fiancé, Gram, and I went to see the Dalai Lama speak at William and Mary. He gave a really wonderful speech about human compassion and how, as humans, we have the unique ability to spread our compassion beyond those we are genetically programmed to care for.  It was a beautiful sentiment and one I hope to model but I mostly noticed that he laughed exactly like Yoda because I am a child. 

We were seated almost high enough up to get that authentic Tibetan "There's no oxygen here" feeling!



3.) My parents came down to visit for my birthday and this made me ridiculously happy. I am particularly close with my parents and the distance is not something I'm enjoying so being together again was definitely a happiness worthy of a cheery montage of us hugging and "Happy Together" playing in the background.  

We like food, my parents, fiancé, and I, so this weekend visit was a festival of delicious meals.  If I may suggest the following three restaurants if ever you are in Williamsburg, VA: Bonefish Grill (a chain so perhaps try your local one,) Food for Thought (a delicious menu and a great theme,) and Second Street (just so good. Soooooo goooooooood.)
We also went on an absolutely fantastic historical house tour. (You know me. It's not fun unless it's got educational value!)  Speaking as someone who has been on so many historic house tours that I have lost count (the number most likely resting somewhere in the high double to low triple digits) I can say with confidence that this was far and away the most amazing house tour I have ever had the privilege to experience.  We visited Sherwood Forest, the home of our (for the Americans) 10th President John Tyler.  Tyler is noted for having a completely not notable presidency and generally just being there for one term and politely stepping out.  However, this guy was super cool and the whole "being president" thing was about the least interesting thing about him.  He lived in this gorgeous plantation home built before the country was formed (oh yeah, we're talking 1600s... I'm drooling...) married possibly the most fabulous of power playing trophy wives in all of history (girl talked her way through blockades like "oh excuuuuuuse me? Blockawhat? No... we gotta go...") and filled his home with the most amazing collection of stuff (stuff is the only way to briefly summarize the amazing array of things in that house) ever.  Antiques, family heirlooms, Wedgewood, Waterford, Italian marble quarried exclusively for the house, gifts from Thomas Jefferson, a second edition set of Tristram Shandy, yeah.  Dude didn't need to worry about that presidency thing.  He was too busy being a boss.

Tyler, pictured here being too cool for the presidency.

What made this tour truly exceptional, though, was not all the gorgeous artifacts that we were free to not only breathe near but get super close to but the fact that this was a private tour for just my family and I and that our tour guide was the most engaging and knowledgeable man I've ever met.  This guy knew his stuff so well I just listened with mouth agape like a nerd-fish hoping to absorb some of his historical cool.  The other thing that makes Sherwood Forest so unique is that the home is still owned and occupied by President Tyler's grandson.  Yes, you read that correctly. I wrote grandson.  The Tyler men apparently were rather, ahem, prolific, in terms of children making and had them late into life.  The mixture of the beautiful antiques and heirlooms and the signs of family life made it so much more alive than any other historic house I've ever toured.  Go there. Come to Williamsburg just to go there. Seriously. 

4.) I've found something at which to be useful at work.  Our database of tour companies is a hot mess and I can organize in Excel. Yeah, business! I also got to go to a trade show last night and got to do what I love to do and do best.  I spent the evening talking to people about Busch Gardens and tours and generally selling people on the idea of sending tour groups to Busch Gardens while getting to gab away with lots of people.  Joy upon joys, it's like podium duty at the Boutique all over again!

5.) I had my birthday while my parents were in town (23 and still getting gifts wrapped in Disney princess wrapping paper!) I got lots of lovely presents but I have to highlight my Crockpot which was a game changer in my kitchen.  Anything I can cook in that thing I will.  If I could bake in it I would.  Fiancé also got me something I've been angling for for quite a while: my very own Phrenology head! 

Behold the quackery!



6.) Finally, I present Fiancé and I's attempts at carving pumpkins:

Ensuring a safe trip home.

 Fiancé intensely sketching his design.

Me, intensely tracing like the pumpkin cheater that I am.

Me beginning to regret my decision to carve Cinderella's Castle



Fiancé shading like a pumpkin show-off.



At a point I gave up on the castle and went for an old friend.

Castle turned out all right.
Please don't ask about the mysterious portal to pumpkin innards in the middle there...

Fiancé’s is terrifying. He is such a boy...

There you have it gang. See, I was away on a very important mission to find stuff to write about! I do everything for you. I'm such a good person. 

Broke Girl in Denial Problems: Getting Your Chai Fix

It has to be said. I am broke. Acceptance is part of coping, I'm told, but as I reel from my recent fall from funding (read: becoming an adult) I find a bit of denial here and there a welcome comfort. There are just some things you get so used to being available, and affordable, that you have to get clever to get that fix on your newfound, nearly non-existent, budget. Periodically, I'll update you on my convoluted methods of recreating the luxuries of my former life in a short segment I'm calling "Broke Girl in Denial Problems," available in HD where supported.

Problem #1: "It's chilly out and, therefore, I need a chai latte."

Solution: Make a chai fraudatte out of things you really ought to have in your kitchen anyway. Put the kettle on and make yourself a cuppa fall spice flavored tea. ( I chose The Republic of Tea's Comfort and Joy blend for it's aromatic qualities and presence in my pantry.) While this steeps warm some milk (how much and what kind is up to you. Finally! You can be that guy with the order so complex the barista reevaluates every life decision that has brought them to this moment!) Finally, add that milk and three or four spoonfuls of sugar and mix with a spoon (or a tiny whisk, of you are as lucky as I am in the adorable kitchen utensils department.)

Enjoy it. After all, it's mildly chilly out. It's not like you could just not have a latte. That would be crazy.

A Cubicle to Call My Own

As if in karmic response to my previous post I got a job last week.  A grown up job, in an office, without a uniform or non-slip shoes.  While I am miffed that I can no longer wallow in self-indulgent jobless despair (read: sit around and eat while watching all the episodes of 30 Rock On Demand) I can't tell you how happy I am to have a job that sounds good when you talk about it.

Yes I can. It's very happy.

Worked an entire day without being coated in syrup! What what?!

I am working for Busch Gardens (and not in the park in a costume, as is my theme park experience thus far) in their Sales and Marketing Department.  Yeah, baby! Corporate. I have an ID card with credentials and permissions to do stuff and touch things.  My official job is a member of the group sales team and I am specifically in charge of travel and tourism.  Essentially, if you and your choir, church group, nudist colony, etc. decide you want to spend a joyous day at Busch Gardens in scenic Williamsburg, VA and you decide to book it through a travel or tourist agency I'm your girl.  So, you know, do that. Keep me hired.

Yesterday was my first day and, through no real fault of my new employer, I've spent the last two days being relatively useless.  It turns out there isn't a whole lot for me to do just yet as I have to wait for all of my fancy (and apparently numerous and disparate) approvals to process so I can do things like turn on the computer, access the internet, and have a stapler.  So I've been enjoying getting paid a handsome enough hourly sum to:
1. Spin in my new office chair
2. Make grocery lists
3. Read every piece of information on Busch Gardens ticketing and tour packages in the entire office multiple times
4. Plan how I'll decorate my little cubicle
5. Consider checking Pinterest for clever cubicle decorating ideas
6. Read a Virginia tourism magazine and make a list of all the places I'd like to visit and things I'd like to do and
7. Stare down the clock and will something to do into existence.

My face during hours 1-8 of my day.

However, the nice ladies I work with (my cubineighbors, if you will) have been attempting to show me a bit of what I'll be doing and it looks like once I'm allowed to work I'll have plenty to keep me busy.  Coupled with my work at the diner on weekends I'll be sleeping like a baby/blackout drunk in no time.

Oh, and I'm sure this is totally no big deal, but I've never even seen a Busch Gardens park before. Guess I know what the fiance and I are doing for this week's Sunday Funday activity.  The trouble is fiance is an engineer by training and, as a result of being too smart, over thinks roller coasters and has the reasonable fear of them most humans should when confronted with something that wants to hurl them through the air at unreasonable speeds held in only by a harness, some G-Forces, and fervently whispered prayer.  I suspect I, being a liberal arts major and completely undaunted by things like "physics" and "logic" and "self-preservation," will get to enjoy the single rider lines.  He is a good sport.

"I'm paying to taunt physics... My God, what have I done?"

Fairy for Hire

The next time you go out for a meal take a moment to consider the wait staff at your restaurant of choice.  Odds are good you are in the midst of a community of scholars (in addition to a few highly successful basement dwellers.) I have multiple degrees from a highly accredited university and I serve breakfast and lunch in a tiny skirt.  I'm not alone.  I know would be biologists, teachers, journalists, doctors, and therapists who spend their expensive educations selling your favorite foods and beverages.  If their lucky.  There is a remarkable phenomenon that is, perhaps not unique to my generation.  We have been incredibly fortunate to receive educations only to tumble out, four years later and probably no wiser, into underemployment.

My graduation photo.

Now, a disclaimer: This is not one of those "Oh pity me! I've been wronged by society! My plan of action for this is to complain to you, the internet!" posts.  No, no, there are countless perfectly timed reasons why I, and many recent college grads, are duking it out for $10 an hour sales jobs.  It doesn't matter why.  What matters is what we're doing about it.  Because, as it turns out, success is all about experience.

I have applied to the following positions since graduating: Visitors Center Representative, Assistant Archivist,  Sales Rep, Sales Rep, Sales Rep, Administrative Assistant at a College, Administrative Assistant at a Business School, Administrative Assistant at somewhere else that needed assistance administrating, Front Desk Host at four different hotels, Concierge at two additional hotels, Group Sales at a theme park, and waitress. I have received several charming form letters telling me that "while we appreciate your interest in *insert job we're not giving you* you can just go suck it. Sincerely, Someone Who has Never Seen your Application." At first, this stings a little but, after the fifth of sixth time your inbox presents the same letter you start to build a callus and streamline your process.  I can now see the subject line and immediately open a pint of ice cream.  No reading required!  

And then she tried to use internships as experience! I kid you not!

   

But don't worry, dear readers, I've persevered and found many interesting and enlightening opportunities to get my bank account out of the double digits.  I returned to my roots and began selling eggs and breakfast meats to people who think I am a.) an unwed mother, b.) a high school dropout, c.) somehow mentally deficient or d.) just waiting for my perfect greasy truck driver to sweep me off my feet.  All of these are, of course, a perfect description of me.  Pay no mind to my lack of child, (do cats count?) college degree, freakishly large vocabulary, and very shiny engagement ring (regrettably, not given to me by a greasy truck driver...)  The trouble is, I'm just not making enough to save the way I'd like.  Lucky for me, an opportunity for a little financial windfall presented itself the other day.

Two elderly gentlemen with impressive ponytails sat at my table and enjoyed their country ham and grits.  As I came to pick up their paid check the man with the longer, more voluptuous ponytail looked up at me and asked, entirely politely, if I would be interested in posing nude for him to draw me for $200.  I didn't speak right away. Not just because I was shocked ($200? That's it? I really should be hitting the gym...) but because $200 was more than I make in a week in tips and a less Catholic-raised girl than myself would have considered the offer.  I, on the other hand, was working on a snappy comeback.  "Oh honey," I held up my engagement ring, "The only guy who's going to get to see me nude spent way more than that." I failed to inform him that that gentleman is still waiting on the return on his investment.  Why crush his spirits further than necessary?  

I'm still not entirely sure he was an artist...

"And then I said, I got yer job experience right here, sweetie!"

So maybe I'm not enjoying that cushy job working in a museum, wearing real clothes, and making enough to actually have a savings account, but I'm definitely gaining experience.  I'm learning resilience. I'm learning to accept rejection (something to which I am rather new.) I'm learning that just because you get told "No" 1000 times doesn't mean the next one isn't going to say "Yes." And I'm learning that it's worth the effort for that one yes.  In fact, it's better to get 1000 "no"s before that "yes" because when that yes finally comes, and it will come, you are going to appreciate that "yes." You're going to love that yes; you're going to get on your knees and cry over that "yes" even if it's not your dream job.  You're going to hang that "yes" on the fridge and take pride in it because you earned that yes.  So fellow grads, stay strong. It's coming. And to all our restaurant patrons, be kind. We're here earning our "yes."

The Pinterest Problem

I apologize for the delay, loyal readers! I had a bit of personal business to attend to back home (read: I have flown to Pittsburgh and back again in the past three days) which kept me from updating sooner this week.  I also felt the burning desire to organize my Pinterest boards which kept me from updating sooner this evening.  Have you developed a Pinterest addiction yet? Ladies, ladies, ladies, if complex recipes and craft suggestions to make things you never knew you needed are your bag let me introduce you to your new worst frenemy.

Follow me and track my downward spiral in to sugary treats and clothes I can't afford.  

Gentlemen and non-crafters, for you there is Reddit. Say goodbye to the sun before starting.

I decided when I made the move to Williamsburg that I was going to take up crafting.  I'm not entirely sure what prompted this but after pinning picture after picture of clever things to make with t-shirts and 100 ways to use a paper doily I have become rather hell-bent on the DIY.  I decided to start with something that required none of the following Pinterest staples:

1.) Sewing
2.) Knitting
3.) Throwing a party
4.) Power tools
5.) A large budget
6.) Artistic flare

With that in mind I chose to make a "coffee filter wreath" in a theme appropriate for one of the most joyous seasons of the year.  That time when people all over the country come together with the ones that have suffered through sorrows and celebrated joys with them year in and year out.  That beautiful season of food, fun, and brutal violence that is the NFL football season. Hang on, I got a bit choked up there just thinking about Troy Polamalu air-tackling some hapless receiver.  Truly majestic.  All right, here's how it went...


How to Make a Steelers Coffee Filter Wreath:  

You will need-
            * about 100 coffee filters
            * yellow food coloring
            * a serious Sharpie
            * a foam wreath form
            * some Steelers fabric and other football themed cute buttons and such
            * a hot glue gun
            * floral wire
            * a screw driver
            * several hours of your life you are willing to sacrifice
            * resilience

1.) Prepare yourself mentally. You are embarking on a journey both physical and spiritual that will test your patience and creativity as well as your kitchen surfaces' stain resistance.  Assemble all your supplies and lay them out in front of you so you feel the weight of your craft decision.

Bask in its filtration-based glory.

2.) Start by dying half of your filters yellow.  Heat some water to a temperature you determine to be hot but not "scald the flesh off" and add yellow food coloring until the water turns a shade akin to the liquid waste of a dehydrated person.  That is Steeler yellow. Deal.  Dip your filters in to the water and allow to soak until you feel they look yellow enough.  Lay them out to dry on paper towels or a sweater you truly hate.  Repeat this process until you appear to have jaundice and 50 filters are a shade of yellow you fancy.

Or just a fancy shade of yellow.

3.) Attempt to repeat the process and dye the remaining half of your filters black.  Realize that no matter how much black food coloring you use, no matter how bruised your entire lower arms look, those suckers are turning purple.  Recalculate. There is no way you are accidentally making a Ravens wreath.  Ray Lewis didn't "accidentally" kill a guy.  Sharpies. Sharpies are the way to go here.

Pictured: tedium.

Proceed to burn through three brand new Sharpies.  Apologize to your fiance for destroying the entire household marker supply.  Buy the Sharpie Magnum because you are done playing around.

Game on, coffee filters.

4.) Hours later you will emerge, Sharpie stained and a little high from the fumes.  It's time to play with fabric because you are a little angry with the coffee filters despite them being inanimate objects and having never insulted your family.  Reasoning is diminished on a Sharpie buzz.  Take your Steelers fabric and cut a long strip slightly wider than you would want a ribbon.  Fold the edges of the fabric about 1/4 inch from the edge and place a floral wire against the crease.  Use your hot glue gun, your mighty Excalibur of crafting, to glue the edges down over the floral wire to make a smooth-sided ribbon of Steelers fabric.  You can then fold that ribbon in to any sort of bow shape you like.  Maybe your feeling hair bow today, or perhaps a nice Christmas present topper.  You just spent hours dying coffee filters. You do what you want.

The black and yellow rhinestones add that touch of sparkle former Fairy Godmothers crave without the overwhelming shine that attracts raccoon.

5.) Use additional Steelers fabric to make a few accent flower shapes.  Cut out three circles of coffee filter size per flower and fold the fabric over itself to make pleats.  Attach the three pleated fan shaped pieces that should result from this folding and glue the accent button of your choice in the middle.  A football button would probably be nice but, hey, throw a baseball in there to confuse people. No judgement from this tutorial.

6.) Now it's time to get aggressive. Put on your game face.  Evaluate whether your game face is also your "ate bad Mexican food" face.  Something to think about while you work.  Take your screw driver and place the tip in the center of a coffee filter.  Wrap the filter around the screw driver and jam that sucker in to the foam wreath mold like it deserves it.  That oughta hold it. Repeat process 99 more times remembering to vary your color placement to avoid bumble bee stripes.

There's a certain Black Dahlia quality to the Sharpied coffee filter. Excuse me while I make sure my door is locked...

7.) The Big Finish! Attach your stylish bow and flower shapes and anything else necessary to cover any sketchy looking patches with hot glue and/or brute force.  Stand back and admire your work.  Taunt it a little.  Tell it who's boss.  Who the crafter? You the crafter! Take a picture to show your mom and coworkers.

...and blog readers.

8.) Hang that beast up and wait patiently for compliments to pour in!  But don't get too cocky.  This was only a Level 1 Pinterest Problem.

BOOM BABY! CRAFTALAFTIN'!

Retirement

A warm welcome back to those of you who made it. (See what I did there? Not one line and we're already into the Disney references...) To those of you who have happened upon this blog because you were so delighted and enchanted by my previous stories, it's so very good to have you. I know there was a tremendous vacuum in your life where previously princesses and magic once resided for 10 to 15 minutes a week.  To those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, who are you and how have you found me?! Take a few minutes to catch up on your reading. We'll wait. ( www.tfgdiaries.blogspot.com )

No rush. I've got snacks.

As you now well know I have retired from Fairy Godmothering (in Traininging) partially against my will and partially because of this whole getting married and being a grown up thing everyone's going on about like it's the new iPhone or something.  But fear not! Adventure is out there! (That's two references for everyone playing along at home.) So, let me catch you up on my life. Forgive me for being that friend that invites you out to coffee and then lists every flaw with her current boyfriend for an hour and a half but it's a blog. Frankly, you were asking for it.

Things that are happening in Morgan's life (A List): 

 1.) As the title may have suggested I'm getting married in less than a year.  I promise that as soon as I get through bombarding you with an introduction I will post many an entry on the wonders of wedding planning.  There will be cake, and music, and 30 wedding gowns (even though I always pick the third gown I put on,) and more baby's breath than previously thought possible and currently thought reasonable. But not today. Today the point is I am getting married to my prince and that is why I had to leave my kingdom for his. It's tradition, darn it.

2.) About that kingdom shifting... As said prince was accepted to a rather prestigious law school we have hit the road and settled in to new surroundings.  By new I, of course mean, we have both been here once prior to moving in and yet agreed to tear up our roots and see what happens.  From a logical, think about your future, better for us in the long run mindset it makes perfect sense.  On the other hand, I can't find my Target without a GPS.

3.) I am job hunting as the retirement package for Fairy Godmother's is less than stellar.  Turns out using Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo to produce one's rent check is frowned upon anywhere not owned by Disney.  Surprisingly enough a Bachelor's in Early United States History, graduating Magna Cum Laude with Departmental Honors, and (small) award winning research in the subject does not seem to make one a desirable candidate to work in Colonial Williamsburg. Or anywhere. Who knew?  But I continue to press on because, while I look absolutely adorable in my waitressing uniform (Oh I picked up a gig at a  50s diner. Oh yes, I am trying to figure out how to do my hair like Flo in the Progressive commercials,) I really ought to do something with that rather expensive degree.

Fabulous.

So there you are, gang.  The run down.  Stick with me as I chronicle the trials and tribulations of one very eager Fairy Godmother's attempts at returning to life outside the Magic Kingdom.