The Pinterest Problem

I apologize for the delay, loyal readers! I had a bit of personal business to attend to back home (read: I have flown to Pittsburgh and back again in the past three days) which kept me from updating sooner this week.  I also felt the burning desire to organize my Pinterest boards which kept me from updating sooner this evening.  Have you developed a Pinterest addiction yet? Ladies, ladies, ladies, if complex recipes and craft suggestions to make things you never knew you needed are your bag let me introduce you to your new worst frenemy.

Follow me and track my downward spiral in to sugary treats and clothes I can't afford.  

Gentlemen and non-crafters, for you there is Reddit. Say goodbye to the sun before starting.

I decided when I made the move to Williamsburg that I was going to take up crafting.  I'm not entirely sure what prompted this but after pinning picture after picture of clever things to make with t-shirts and 100 ways to use a paper doily I have become rather hell-bent on the DIY.  I decided to start with something that required none of the following Pinterest staples:

1.) Sewing
2.) Knitting
3.) Throwing a party
4.) Power tools
5.) A large budget
6.) Artistic flare

With that in mind I chose to make a "coffee filter wreath" in a theme appropriate for one of the most joyous seasons of the year.  That time when people all over the country come together with the ones that have suffered through sorrows and celebrated joys with them year in and year out.  That beautiful season of food, fun, and brutal violence that is the NFL football season. Hang on, I got a bit choked up there just thinking about Troy Polamalu air-tackling some hapless receiver.  Truly majestic.  All right, here's how it went...


How to Make a Steelers Coffee Filter Wreath:  

You will need-
            * about 100 coffee filters
            * yellow food coloring
            * a serious Sharpie
            * a foam wreath form
            * some Steelers fabric and other football themed cute buttons and such
            * a hot glue gun
            * floral wire
            * a screw driver
            * several hours of your life you are willing to sacrifice
            * resilience

1.) Prepare yourself mentally. You are embarking on a journey both physical and spiritual that will test your patience and creativity as well as your kitchen surfaces' stain resistance.  Assemble all your supplies and lay them out in front of you so you feel the weight of your craft decision.

Bask in its filtration-based glory.

2.) Start by dying half of your filters yellow.  Heat some water to a temperature you determine to be hot but not "scald the flesh off" and add yellow food coloring until the water turns a shade akin to the liquid waste of a dehydrated person.  That is Steeler yellow. Deal.  Dip your filters in to the water and allow to soak until you feel they look yellow enough.  Lay them out to dry on paper towels or a sweater you truly hate.  Repeat this process until you appear to have jaundice and 50 filters are a shade of yellow you fancy.

Or just a fancy shade of yellow.

3.) Attempt to repeat the process and dye the remaining half of your filters black.  Realize that no matter how much black food coloring you use, no matter how bruised your entire lower arms look, those suckers are turning purple.  Recalculate. There is no way you are accidentally making a Ravens wreath.  Ray Lewis didn't "accidentally" kill a guy.  Sharpies. Sharpies are the way to go here.

Pictured: tedium.

Proceed to burn through three brand new Sharpies.  Apologize to your fiance for destroying the entire household marker supply.  Buy the Sharpie Magnum because you are done playing around.

Game on, coffee filters.

4.) Hours later you will emerge, Sharpie stained and a little high from the fumes.  It's time to play with fabric because you are a little angry with the coffee filters despite them being inanimate objects and having never insulted your family.  Reasoning is diminished on a Sharpie buzz.  Take your Steelers fabric and cut a long strip slightly wider than you would want a ribbon.  Fold the edges of the fabric about 1/4 inch from the edge and place a floral wire against the crease.  Use your hot glue gun, your mighty Excalibur of crafting, to glue the edges down over the floral wire to make a smooth-sided ribbon of Steelers fabric.  You can then fold that ribbon in to any sort of bow shape you like.  Maybe your feeling hair bow today, or perhaps a nice Christmas present topper.  You just spent hours dying coffee filters. You do what you want.

The black and yellow rhinestones add that touch of sparkle former Fairy Godmothers crave without the overwhelming shine that attracts raccoon.

5.) Use additional Steelers fabric to make a few accent flower shapes.  Cut out three circles of coffee filter size per flower and fold the fabric over itself to make pleats.  Attach the three pleated fan shaped pieces that should result from this folding and glue the accent button of your choice in the middle.  A football button would probably be nice but, hey, throw a baseball in there to confuse people. No judgement from this tutorial.

6.) Now it's time to get aggressive. Put on your game face.  Evaluate whether your game face is also your "ate bad Mexican food" face.  Something to think about while you work.  Take your screw driver and place the tip in the center of a coffee filter.  Wrap the filter around the screw driver and jam that sucker in to the foam wreath mold like it deserves it.  That oughta hold it. Repeat process 99 more times remembering to vary your color placement to avoid bumble bee stripes.

There's a certain Black Dahlia quality to the Sharpied coffee filter. Excuse me while I make sure my door is locked...

7.) The Big Finish! Attach your stylish bow and flower shapes and anything else necessary to cover any sketchy looking patches with hot glue and/or brute force.  Stand back and admire your work.  Taunt it a little.  Tell it who's boss.  Who the crafter? You the crafter! Take a picture to show your mom and coworkers.

...and blog readers.

8.) Hang that beast up and wait patiently for compliments to pour in!  But don't get too cocky.  This was only a Level 1 Pinterest Problem.

BOOM BABY! CRAFTALAFTIN'!